I'm so distraught I can't poop

Not the Hardiest of Citizens: Windsor, Ontario, hair stylist Waddah (Martin) Mustapha was awarded the equivalent of about US$270,000 by a court in April after he testified that he became racked with depression upon seeing a fly inside a commercial bottle of water at his salon. Presumably, damages would have been more if Mustapha had actually drunk from the bottle (or even opened it). As it was, he and his wife vomited, and he required extensive psychotherapy for nightmares, loss of sense of humor, increased argumentativeness, lack of desire to shower regularly, and constipation. [Windsor Star, 4-23-05]


Now why the hell can't I do this kinda thing? I certainly could use $270,000!!!! Racked with depression over a fly in a bottle of water? Constipation ?? I'm SO distraught I can't poop!