Friday, June 10, 2005


Its 5 minutes to 10:00 at night. My children are not asleep. They are not even close. Wait, one of them is rolling himself up in a blanket! just a game. He's laughing under there. Mocking me!

I got Jacqui here for her summer visit just this last Sunday. She's 13. No drama so far. Its a bittersweet visit. I am coming to terms with the fact that she has NO intention of ever coming to live with me. I know, things could change. But they could stay the same. She talks about what highschool she will be going to there in Phoenix. I don't want to hear it. But I say nothing. I think the sooner I come to terms with the fact that she has made her choice the sooner I will get over it. Sounds harsh, but I find it really hard to hang on to a hopeless situation. I think she is totally wrong, but she seems happy only seeing me 8 weeks out of the year. Unless her dad does something illegal I can't do anything much to change it.

Thats just five more summers. And what about after she is 16, she might want a job? 8 weeks a year, times 5. Thats just 40 weeks that I get her to myself. Thats what I have left of her childhood. She said, "Its not like I won't come see you after I graduate from highschool. " But after all this time, I find it hard to believe that she will either.

I know parenting is not for Sissies, but being a non custodial parent is just the twilight zone of parenthood.