Find the Weiner

Top Ten Reasons I Did Not Post Today

10. Ten Delicious Hot Wings.

9. Nine minutes of "BEJEWELED."

8. Ate yummy brownies.

7. Seven blogs I read.

6. Six loads of laundry.

5. Five Desperate Houswives.

4. Four Sudafed Sinus/Cold liquicaps.

3. Three cooped up children.

2. Two trips to Wal-Mart (Yes we're back together.)

1. One wiener dog puking up brownie chunks.

As recently as 2001 I was still a computer novice. I didn't know much about computers and was content to stay that way. My husband, on the other hand, knew everything about computers. His knowledge so surpassed mine that I often felt technologically challenged. I felt Inferior.

Even now he paces behind me as I type using only my two index fingers. He pretends not to cringe as he he casually watches this horror of keyboarding. He out types me. He out words me. He outwrites me. He out speaks me. He out cooks me. He out drives me. He out photographs me. He just about out does me on everything. Especially computers.

But today...Today was my day of reckoning!

How patiently I waited in the car with the children as dear old hubby perused the computer goods mega store for our new wireless keyboard. And what spring in his step as he confidently swaggered back to the car, prize in hand. How his big white hat gleamed in the late aternoon sunlight!

He hopped in the car and I anxiously looked to see what he had bought. "Only $39.99..." I exclaimed, trying to hide how proud I was of his judicious use of our money. "Yes, and here is the receipt for the rebate." He offered. "Twenty dollars!" I gushed. But wait! I opened the box right there to make sure we had a rebate form. There was none. He ran back in to get the form. Minutes later we were headed home.

It was like Christmas, with the unwrapping of all the little parts. Everything was sorted. Batteries were in. Plastic wrap was neatly laid out on the couch. All that was left was to hook it up. I was at the table about to fill out the rebate form.

"AWWWWWW..... HELL!!! Who on earth still uses PS2?!"

I Need A Sthecond Opinion!

Dear Dr. Lipshith,

I am writing to you regarding your rethenth diagnothithes regarding my Thpeech Dithabilty. I wholeheartedly dithagree with your sthupid athethment of my stho called listhp. Perhapth you should athk your quethtions when I am not sthmoking sthigaretths. Thith was very irresthponthible on your part. Everyone knowths your lipsth don't exherthise a full range of mothsion while sthimulthaneousthly sthpeaking and sthmoking sthigaretths.

Althso, your sthutteringh made you very hard to understhand. Perhapth it ith YOU who hath a Thpeech Dithabilty. I sthrongly suggesth that you rethiefe sthpeech thherapy posth hasthe or sthooner.

Sintherely,

Stheven S. Guestht


P. Sth. I thought your Rethepthionistht wath STHUPER STHEXTHY! Pleath sthend me her e-mail addreth. Thank you in advanth.

A New Year's Update

Its been a month since I listed my To Do List. Lets see what I've actually done!

1. Take as many naps as possible... Exactly 2.
2. Pay all my bills on time... Yes!
3. Read an entire book....um, no, but I bought one.
4. Clean out the garage... Started on it. Got through 4 big totes of old toys.
5. Tame the pile of papers that invade my countertops...Did you know leaving papers on any flat surface causes them to multiply?
6. Cook for my family at least 5 times a week...the record stands at 3 times in a row.
7. Call my mom at least once a week... I sure did!
8. Have as many massages as possible...unforunately, not a one.
9. Paint the inside of the house... Ibought all the stuff primed one wall. Woo Hoo!
10. Archive the family photos, scan everything, save everything...I got one very important picture restored.
11. Start a savings account for all the kids...not yet.
12. Start a savings account just for me and the hubby...also not yet
13. Carry my camera with me everywhere...nope
14. Get my nails done at least twice...I got them done a week ago
15. Go visit my grandmother...planned for February/
16. Stay in touch with old friends...already missed one call.
17. Stop using the words %$#@!, @%&*@!, and @#$#! so much. Crap!!
18. Try not to kill any plants... well, Hubby saved it. Bless his heart.
19. Plant flowers. Too early or the ones I want... Bulbs go in by the end of the month.
20. Jump on the trampoline with my kids...Boing!
21. Pray more often...I'm ashamed to say that I haven't. But I know I have been prayed For.
22. Shop less...Right!
23. Drink less...Dr. Peppers...still drinking them but not as often.
24. Learn to do something new, like knitting...haven't made the time, yet.
25. Delegate chores to the kids and keep up with their allowances...This is harder than it sounds. They have been helping more, and I am really proud of them for that!